123'

Dear Catherine: 
 
I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in so long. I feel I've been lost, no bearings, no compass. I kept crashing into things, a little crazy, I guess. I've never been lost before. You were my true north. I could always steer for home when you were my home. Forgive me for being so angry when you left. I still think some mistake's been made and I'm waiting for God to take it back. But I'm doing better now. The work helps me. Most of all, you help me. You came into my dream last night with that smile of yours that always held me like a lover, rocked me like a child. All I remember from the dream is a feeling of peace. I woke up with that feeling and tried to keep it alive as long as I could. I'm writing to tell you that I'm on a journey toward that peace. And to tell you I'm sorry about so many things. I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you so that you never spent one minute being cold or scared or sick. I 'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words to tell you what I was feeling. I'm sorry I never fixed the screen door. I fixed it now. I'm sorry I ever fought with you. I'm sorry I didn't apologize more. I was too proud. I'm sorry I didn't bring you more complements on everything you wore and every way you fixed your hair. I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength that even God couldn't pull you away.
 All my love, G

亲爱的凯瑟琳：

对不起这么久没跟你聊聊了。我感觉自己迷失了，找不到方向，也找不到指南针。我总是东跌西撞的，我想自己一定是疯了。我从未这样迷失过，你曾经是我的正北，家只要有你在，我就能找到回家的路。原谅我，当你离开时我愤怒至极。我仍然觉得是上帝弄错了，我一直等着他去纠正这个错误！不过，我现在已经好多了，工作帮了我，而更多的是你在帮助我。昨夜，你带着微笑进入我的梦乡，永远像情人那样地拥抱我，像摇动小孩子那样地轻轻摇着我。这个梦带给我无比宁静的感觉。我醒来时依然感觉着这份宁静，真想把这种感觉延持到很久很久……我想告诉你的是我正在寻求这份宁静，而且我为过去的很多事情感到内疚。请原谅我没能更好地照顾你，让你不受一刻寒冷、一刻惊吓和一丝的病痛。原谅我没有苦思冥想找出更恰当的字眼来表达我对你的感觉。原谅我一直没去修那扇纱门，现在已经修好了。原谅我曾经和你争吵。原谅我没有跟你说更多的对不起，因为我太自负了。原谅我没有用更美的语言赞美你穿过的每一件衣服和你梳过的每一款发式。原谅我没有更加用力的把你抱紧，而让上帝把你夺走。爱你的人：G